I was fortunate enough to marry up, however, I was unfortunate to have a baby face. Here’s a story to illustrate these two realities. We were flying to our honeymoon in St. John in 2003, I was sleeping in the window seat and Brooke was in the middle seat. I’m a gentleman, I know.
Brooke’s neighbor on the aisle was a middle-aged, sharp dressed business man. I’ll assume he was single by the way he was talking to my wife of 18 hours. After a quick nap, I woke up to him asking her “are you and your little brother meeting anyone in St. John?”. Amazing pick up line, right?
In 2005, another baby. In 2006, a move to Memphis from Columbia, MO for a new job. In 2007, another baby. In 2008, a move to Kansas City from Memphis for another new job. In 2010, another baby (the only boy). In 2011, another baby (the final). In 2013, a move to Stuart, FL from Kansas City for another new job.
The thought of putting my family on the back burner while I built a career wasn’t an option. But neither was passively allowing great opportunities to pass me by. Being awesome at both was the answer I wanted.
1 – Exercise early, before work. Your single colleagues or those without kids can work out after work. You can’t. Put your shoes and your workout clothes right by your bed, put your alarm across the room and set it for 5:30am. You being on the healthier end of the spectrum makes you a better mom or dad.
2 – Put your phone away. Once you’re home from work, set your phone to vibrate and put it down until the kids are asleep. You’ll have a bunch of missed texts, unread emails and a long Twitter feed to catch up on, but your time from 6-8pm is the only real time those kids see you each day. I’m addicted to my iPhone so this one is super hard for me still today. But I promise if the world is burning down, your neighbor will knock on the door.
3 – Eat clean. I’ll write more on my specific eating habits later, but what you put into your body directly impacts your energy level. It’s not OK to be awesome employee guy/girl and use your best strength at the office and then come home and shut it down. Your family deserves better. Especially high performers that are always at lunches, dinners, events – you don’t have to drink at every business function and you certainly don’t have to eat all the food options that are always in front of you. Figure out a few simple things that work for you and stick to them during the week. Our family has “sweet Saturday”. We start with donuts and end it with ice cream, but the rest of the week we all eat clean.
4 – Perform at work and get home by 6pm. Man that’s a hard one. Especially in a big office setting where it doesn’t seem OK to leave. There are nights this doesn’t work, but for the most part the real heroes are at home. So quit looking at Facebook or checking your fantasy football team. Do your work. Kick ass during the day, be efficient with your role and actually work. You have the time to get your stuff done from 8ish-5ish. Figure it out. And then work after kids are in bed if you must.
5 – For those of you with kids, eat lunch at school once a month. Whether it’s taco salad or chicken nugget day doesn’t matter, but block a recurring meeting on your calendar. Put your phone away while you’re there and eat an 18 minute lunch with your kids. They’ll think you’re a rock star plus you’ll get to see what punk kid flirts with your daughter.
6 – Date night. If you’re amazing at your job and an engaged parent, that’s great. But don’t forget your spouse. Put a date night on the calendar every week. Every single week. It might be a 30 minute date on the back deck with a cheap bottle of wine or a five course meal at your favorite restaurant, but connect with your spouse. The rhythm of your family flows directly from the strength of your marriage.
7 – Laugh. At work and at home. Laugh . Often. Pay attention to how much you see other adults laugh. It’s sad really because it doesn’t happen much. We’re stressed out, spread thin and always busy. Start laughing and watch what happens.
These are 7 things that have helped shape my personal, professional and family life. Hope they’re helpful to you. Go be awesome.