Opposites Attract in Marriage

My fellow friends that were raised in the 80’s, tell me how awesome it was the first time you watched MTV? Life-changing I’d argue.

One of the first videos I remember as a kid, was Paula Adbul’s weird cartoon/video thing for “Opposites Attract.” 1988.

I’m sure I loved it mainly because I enjoyed watching Paula Abdul dance. M.C. Skat Kat could really rap too.


But regardless, her thesis proves true in the majority of marriages today. Opposites do indeed attract. I think the beauty of marriage is that it was designed that way to some extent.

For us, 13 years in, the things that make our marriage strong are often the same things that lead to major conflict.

Brooke is a planner. I’m a dreamer.

Brooke is detailed. I’m afraid of details.

Brooke prefers quiet, intimate nights. I prefer huge events.

Brooke leans toward the introverted side of the spectrum. I’m as far from that as possible.

Brooke is intuitive. I’m gullible.

Brooke is tidy. I’m messy.

Brooke makes the bed. I steal the covers.

Brooke is a realist. I’m an optimist.

Brooke likes to dance. I like to watch her dance. Wait, weird, sorry.

You get the point. The list could go on for pages.

There’s beauty and danger in opposites. I think we can all admit the beauty that can arise from opposites being united.

But the danger? Not as fun to talk about. The danger pops up when we start complaining about the very thing(s) that once made us fall madly in love.

What once was romantic is now annoying. What once was spontaneous is now a lack of a plan. What once was wise is now controlling. What once was intriguing is now frustrating. What once set off fireworks is now chilly.


I’m sure there are dozens of reasons, but the longer we survive and work to thrive at this marriage thing, the more we’re both realizing how to celebrate our opposites.

Over time and with a lack of attention, the natural drift is bitterness toward each other’s differences.

But we’re dead set on not allowing nature to run its course. Instead, we’re choosing to recognize the hardwired differences in each of us.

Awareness of the frustration is the first step to healing. Awareness then leads to admission of the times we’ve chosen selfishness and frustration. Admission then leads to action, doing the hard work necessary to reverse the natural, drifting course.

Maybe Paula nailed it almost 30 years ago.

Two steps forward. Two steps back. We come together because opposites attract.



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